[영어일기]유민이의 두근두근 이삿날-첨삭지도 > 콘텐츠 공모전

안녕하세요, 임성혜님. 유니텔 주동에서 처음 알고 지낸지가 벌써 몇년전인지..

그동안 열심히 자녀교육 정보를 모으신대로 이쁘게, 그리고 이렇게 똘똘하게 자라준

유민이를 보면 정말 뿌듯하실것 같습니다.

유민이 정말 대단해요.^^

전체적으로 유민이는 강요된 글쓰기가 아닌, 정말 글쓰기를 좋아하고

자기 이야기를 풀어내길 좋아하는 아이인것 같습니다.

저희 아이들도 그렇고 쓰기는 마지못해 하는 작업인 경우가 많은데,

가끔 이렇게 자기 이야기를 표현하는 일을 즐거워 하는 아이들이 있답니다.

부러울 따름이지요.

문장의 punctuation이나 capitalization 은 엄마의 손길을 거쳐서(??)인지는 몰라도

아주 훌륭합니다. (하지만 한가지, 마침표와 쉼표 앞에 한칸을 띄우는 습관은 잘못된 것이므로

고쳐야 합니다. 그 뒤에 한칸을 띄우는 것은 맞지만요.^^)

몇가지 문법적 실수나 스펠링 오류는 뛰어난 문장력과 비교해서는 작은 단점일 뿐이구요.

그럼, 한 문장씩 살펴보도록 할게요.

Date: January 23 th Sunday 2007
Date: Sunday, January 23th, 2007

Title: Moving

On Tuesday morning it was a very busy day.
On Tuesday morning, we were very busy.

on tuesday morning 은 시간을 나타내는 부사구지요.

~에..라는 의미인데 it 과 동격으로 연결되지 않겠지요?

그냥 부사구로 분리해서 쉼표를 찍고 주어를 we 로 내세워 수정했습니다.

We had to get up early in the morning and we had to eat very quickly.

I thought I had no had.
I thought I was out of my senses.

no head, 정신이 없었다는 말로 표현하고 싶었던 것이 맞나요?

그래서 다른 표현으로 수정해봤습니다.

(Cause we were busy and also our house was messy.)
('Cause we were busy and our house was also messy.)

접속사로서 cause 가 쓰일때는 because 의 줄임말이므로 apostrophe comma 를

넣어줘야 한답니다.

When I was eating my breakfust someone knocked on the door.
When I was eating my breakfast someone knocked on the door.

breakfast 의 스펠링을 잘못 알고 있어서 계속 실수하고 있지요?

It was the moving center man.
It was a mover.

이삿짐직원은 mover 라고 합니다.

I couldn't eat my breakfust .
I couldn't eat my breakfast.

역시 스펠링 실수..

OH~~~ I was very fustrated.
Oh~~~, I was very frustrated.

마찬가지..

I was in the bad situation.

First I had to get up early then I can't eat my breakfust!!!!
First I had to get up early then I couldn't eat my breakfast!!!!

시제를 과거형으로 고쳤구요.

My mom said
" Yoo- min hurry up and get dressed and go to grandma's house with your sister!!!"

My mom said,
"Yoo-min, hurry up and get dressed. Then go to grandma's house with your sister!!!"

이야기를 죽 늘어놓기 좋아하는 작문 초보의 경우, and 를 남용하는 경우가 많답니다.

유민이도 and 를 대치할만한 적절한 접속사를 좀 더 익히고, 또 and 없이도 문장이

자연스럽게 연결되게 하거나 적절하게 끊을 줄 아는 skill 을 길러야 할것 같습니다.

I asked " Do I really have to?"
I asked, "Do I really have to?"

따옴표를 써서 대화를 인용할 때에는 그 앞에 쉼표로 구분을 해주세요.

My mom said " Now, I will count to 5 ."
"Now, I will count to 5," said my mom.

역시 위와 같은 실수가 있었는데, 문장의 흐름으로 보자면 said ~ 라는 말은

앞뒤로 번갈아가며 배치해서 단조로움을 피하는게 좋습니다.

그래서 이번에는said my mom 으로 뒤쪽으로 옮겨봤어요.

So I take my baby sister who is too noisy hold her hand and walk right out of there
So I took my baby sister who is too noisy,

and walked right out of there holding her hands.

과거형으로 고쳤구요. 여러 동작을 한꺼번에 묘사하느라 hold her hand 가

어정쩡하게 문법에도 맞지않게 끼어 들어가있지요? 그래서 위와 같이 수정해봤습니다.

" phew~~"
"Phew~~~."

대화문이라 하더라도 대문자로 시작해야지요.^^

I thought .
I thought awhile.

이건 어떤 의미인지 몰라서... 잠깐 생각을 했다로 수정해보았습니다.

Then me and my sister also my bestest friend grandma went to her house.
Then me, my sister and my bestest friend grandma went to her house together.

이것 역시 설명도 없이 갑자기 할머니가 등장(그것도 최고의 친구로)하셔서 생뚱맞지만

문법에 맞게 고쳐보았습니다.

We draw pictures what our new house would be.
We drew pictures about what our new house would look like.

과거형으로 고쳤구요. what~ would be 는 무엇이 될것인가에 대한 이야기이므로

어떻게 생겼을까로 수정했습니다.

Then ring~~ the door bell rang.
It was my father.

The things in the house are went to the Lotte Castle Apartment where we are going he said .
"The things in the old house have sent to the Lotte Castle Apartment where we are going to live," he said.

are went to~ 는 be gone to도 아니고, 문법적으로 맞지 않지요. 그냥 보내졌다는 표현으로 수정했구요. 아버지의 말은 따옴표로 인용문이라는 표시를 따로 해주는게 좋을 것 같아 수정했습니다.

So I had to wear my coat, put on my hat and wear my shoes.
Then I had to go to the Lotte Castle Apartment
Oh, I haven't tell you.

This is the amazing thing.
My bestest friend Ha Yong is Moving to my old house.

I think me and her can be a bestest ! Bestest friend .
I think me and her can be the bestest! Bestest friends.

bestest 란 말은 사실 문법적으로 맞지 않는, 하지만 구어체에서는 자주 쓰이는 표현이지요.

friend 는 복수형으로 고쳤구요.

The house we were going to live is more cleaner.
The house we were going to live was more cleaner.

과거형이 되어야겠지요?

I liked it . In my room there is a heart pictures on it.
I liked it. In my room there were heart pictures on it.

과거형도 수정했고, pictures 이므로 a 도 빼고 be 동사도 were 로 고쳤습니다.

It's so pretty. The house was so messy of the things.
It was so pretty. The house was so messy with all kinds of stuffs.

messy 는 of 를 받기 보다 위와 같이 사용하시는게 좋습니다.

The furniture and some foods.
The furniture, foods...with things like that.

앞의 문장과 자연스럽게 연결시키기 위해, 단어만 나열하기 보다 thing like that 같은 표현을

추가하는게 낫겠지요?

So I had to sit down on the chair for 30 minutes.
It was very boring. I couldn't stand it.

so I went outside.

So I went outside.

문장시작은 대문자가 되어야지요?

I swinged on the swing,and slide on the slide.
I swung on the swing, and slid on the slide.

swing 의 과거형은 swung 이고, slide 는 slid 가 되어야 합니다.

Just then my mother came out.
"Yoo-min! Let's eat lunch!" she said.

I thought 'Maybe we could eat hambergur.'
I thought, 'Maybe we can eat hambergur.'

역시 따옴표 앞은 쉼표를 넣고 한칸 띄워줘야 한다는 것, 잊지 마세요.

But no, we ate kimbob. I was very full.

I wanted to go to sleep but my mom said" Go to your piano class."
I wanted to go to sleep but my mom said, "Go to your piano class."

위와 마찬가지의 실수였지요?

So I went.
So I went there.

go 는 항상 어디로 간다, 혹은 무엇을 하러 간다..하는 식으로 사용됩니다.

그리고 이 문장에서는 피아노 학원으로 간다는 의미이니까 there 를 넣어줬구요.

When I played piano all of my thoughts were' I wonder how my bedroom will be like'
When I was practicing piano all of my thoughts were,

'I wonder how my bedroom will be like.'

의미상 ~ 하는 도중이므로 과거진행영이 자연스러울 것 같아 고쳐봤구요,

따옴 표 앞에 쉼표 넣기도 추가했습니다.

It was a boring, funny ,and happy day .
It was a boring, funny and happy day.

콤마 뒤에 한칸을 띄워야 하구요. 사실 bring 과 happy 는 and 로 연결되는 것이 부자연스럽기 때문에

It was a bring, but happy day. 라는 문장이 더 자연스럽답니다. ^^

: 임성혜님의 글입니다.
Date: January 23 th Sunday 2007Title: MovingOn Tuesday morning it was a very busy day.We had to get up early in the morning and we had to eat very quickly. I thought I had no head. (Cause we were busy and also our house was messy.) When I was eating my breakfust someone knocked on the door. It was the moving center man.I couldn't eat my breakfust .OH~~~ I was very fustrated. I was in the bad situation.First I had to get up early then I can't eat my breakfust!!!! My mom said" Yoo- min hurry up and get dressed and go to grandma's house with your sister!!!"I asked " Do I really have to?" My mom said " Now, I will count to 5 ." So I take my baby sister who is too noisy hold her hand and walk right out of there " phew~~"I thought . Then me and my sister also my bestest friend grandma went to her house. We draw pictures what our new house would be. Then ring~~ the door bell rang .It was my father .The things in the house are went to the Lotte Castle Apartment where we are going he said .So I had to wear my coat, put on my hat and wear my shoes . Then I had to go to the Lotte Castle Apartment Oh, I haven't tell you . This is the amazing thing. My bestest friend Ha Yong is Moving to my old house. I think me and her can be a bestest ! Bestest friend . The house we were going to live is more cleaner.I liked it . In my room there is a heart pictures on it. It's so pretty. The house was so messy of the things.The furniture and some foods.So I had to sit down on the chair for 30 minutes.It was very boring. I couldn't stand it. so I went outside. I swinged on the swing,and slide on the slide.Just then my mother came out."Yoo-min! Let's eat lunch!" she said. I thought 'Maybe we could eat hambergur.' But no, we ate kimbob. I was very full. I wanted to go to sleep but my mom said" Go to your piano class." So I went. When I played piano all of my thoughts were' I wonder how my bedroom will be like' It was a boring, funny ,and happy day .

네비게이션

콘텐츠 공모전

컨텐츠