[영어일기]화성 기행문 - 첨삭지도 > 콘텐츠 공모전

와우, 4학년이라고 해도 아주 정확한 표현력과 문장력이 돋보입니다.
보고 느낀 것을 설명하는 글이 간결하면서도 적절한 길이를 취하고 있는데다가
문법적으로도 흠잡을데가 없네요.

다만 몇군데...사소한 스펠링 오류나 시제일치 부분만 조금더 신경을 써줬다면
놀랍도록 완벽한 기행문이 되었을 듯.

그럼, 한문장씩 살펴보도록 할게요.^^

Hwaseong fortress
Hwaseong Fortress
제목의 각 단어는 대문자로 시작해주세요.

Today, my grandparent's and I went to Hwaseong fortress.
Today, my grandparents and I went to Hwaseong fortress.
조부모란 의미의 grandparents 는 s 만 붙여서 복수형으로 쓰면 됩니다.

The fortress is the symbolic architecture of Suwon, witch is built by king Jeongjo the great.
The fortress is the symbolic architecture of Suwon, which is built by king Jeongjo the great.
정말정말 멋진 문장인데, 어처구니 없는 실수..witch 에서 옥의 티가...
친구들이 witch 와 which 를 많이 실수하나 봅니다.^^;;;

The fortress was made by a big help from the crane.

Because of the crane, the constructing time was reduced from 10years to 2 years 8months.
Because of the crane, the constructing time was reduced from 10 years to 2 years and 8 months.
2 years 8months 는 and 를 넣어야 하구요. 숫자 뒤에 나오는 단위는 한칸씩 띄어 쓰는 것을 잊지 마세요.^^

When we arrived at the fortress, we just missed the trolly, witch was heading for Mt.Paldal.
When we arrived at the fortress, we just missed the trolly which was heading for Mt.Paldal.
역시 witch 실수...

So we have to wait for 1hour to take the next trolly.
So we have to wait for an hour to take the next trolly.
1 hour 도 맞지만 한칸을 띄워줘야 하고, an hour 가 더 자연스러운 듯 해서 바꿔보았습니다.

For the waiting time, we walk around Changyongmun.
While we were waiting, we walked around Changyongmun.
for 를 쓰는 것보다 while 을 사용해서 문장의 형태를 조금 바꿔봤어요.
그리고 과거형 시제일치를 깜빡했지요?

After that, we rode the trolly, witch is the miniature of the king's couch.
After that, we rode the trolly which is the miniature of the king's couch.
역시 WITCH....^^;;;

So I felt like to be a king.
So I felt like a king.
So I felt like I was a king.
feel like 는 ~ 이 된듯한 기분을 느낀것이니까 그냥 그 명사를 그대로 써주거나
i was a king 같은 절로 써주어야 한답니다.

On the trolly, I looked at the map of the fortress.
The Paldalmun is the south door of the fortress.
It is much bigger than Namdaemun in Seoul.
Hwahongmun was the most beautiful door in the fortress.
The Suwoncheon was flowing under the Hwahongmun.

고칠곳이 없어요. 사실을 설명하는 부분은 현재형으로 하고,
자신의 느낌이나 본 내용은 과거형으로 한 것도 정확하게 되어 있구요.

It made more beautiful.
It made more beautiful scene.
그냥 beautiful 로 끝나니까 어딘가 어색하지요?
그래서 scene 을 추가해서 자연스러운 문장을 완성해봤습니다.

Ammun is a secret passage to go out, and poru is a place that fires canon.
Ammun is a secret passage to go out, and Poru is a place that fires cannon.
대포를 뜻하는 cannon 은 n 이 하나 더 들어가야 해요. 스펠링을 실수하기 쉬운 부분이지요.
그리고 포루는 고유명사이므로 대문자로 썼구요.

After looking around, we went Mt. Paldal to ring the bell of Hywon.
After looking around, we went to Mt. Paldal to ring the bell of Hywon.
went 다음에 to 를 빼먹었지요?
첫 문장에서는 잘 써주었는데 깜빡했나봐요.^^

At that time I was very tired, because I had to push my grand father.
At that time I was very tired, because I had to push my grandfather.
grandfather 는 띄워쓰기를 할 필요가 없어서 붙여주었습니다.

But when we arrived at the bell it was locked. So I was going crazy.

After that we take the trolly and came down.
After that we took the trolly and came down.
과거형으로 고쳤구요.

And we take the car and came home.
And we took the car and came home.
역시 과거형 실수.

I was very tired, but I was happy because I saw a one of a world culture heritage.
I was very tired, but I was happy because I saw one of the world's culture heritages.
one 앞에 a 를 붙일 필요는 없답니다. 그리고 one of ~ 라고 하면 ~ 중의 하나 이니까 ~에 해당되는
명사는 복수가 되어야 하지요.

: 전성집님의 글입니다.
일기라고 하기엔 좀...견학문이라고 해야할까요? 아무튼...함 봐 주세요^^.---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hwaseong fortressToday, my grandparent's and I went to Hwaseong fortress.The fortress is the symbolic architecture of Suwon, witch is built by king Jeongjo the great. The fortress was made by a big help from the crane. Because of the crane, the constructing time was reduced from 10years to 2 years 8months.When we arrived at the fortress, we just missed the trolly, witch was heading for Mt.Paldal. So we have to wait for 1hour to take the next trolly.For the waiting time, we walk around Changyongmun.After that, we rode the trolly, witch is the miniature of the king's couch. So I felt like to be a king. On the trolly, I looked at the map of the fortress.The Paldalmun is the south door of the fortress. It is much bigger than Namdaemun in Seoul.Hwahongmun was the most beautiful door in the fortress. The Suwoncheon was flowing under the Hwahongmun. It made more beautiful.Ammun is a secret passage to go out, and poru is a place that fires canon.After looking around, we went Mt. Paldal to ring the bell of Hywon.At that time I was very tired, because I had to push my grand father.But when we arrived at the bell it was locked. So I was going crazy.After that we take the trolly and came down. And we take the car and came home. I was very tired, but I was happy because I saw a one of a world culture heritage.

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