[초등영작 5탄] 작문실력 100배 올리기 프로젝트!! > 초등영어 게시판

아래의 컨텐츠는 초등학생이 직접 작성한 영어작문을 원어민 선생님이 실제로 첨삭지도 한 내용입니다.
또래 아이들의 영어작문 결과를 통해 내 아이 작문기초도 살~작 엳보는 기회로 활용하세요.

[작문 주제입니다]

Let's talk about the relationship of your friends.

[학생이 작성한 Essay 원문이며 빨간표시는 원어민 선생님이 첨삭(수정)한 부분입니다]

1. Myfriends relationship is 2. friend.
Becuse 3. it 4. is 5. friend. My best 6. friend 7. is only three.
8. It 9. is 10. (준호, 윤희, 종수) 11. they are my best friends.
12. Is it 13. very very good and nice. 14. My boy friend is very very very many.
15. And they are fun and good. I 16. didn't have 17. girl 18. friend.
Becuse it is not good and nice.
They 19. are angry it is strong very very much.
I hit 20. the girl. After 21. girl is angry, 22. sad and 23. fighting.
24. And girl 25. crying 26. veryvery much. Bad 27. girl and bad 28. boy 29. is bad so much.
30. My class in the bad boy 31. very very much. 32. Bad boy 33. punch me. I 34. am 35. angry.
Becuse he 36. attack me. After, I 37. am 38. angry very very much.
I 39. am hit the bad boy 40. head. It 41. is good and perfect.
After, 42. bad boy 43. has crying. He and I 44. fighting. I 45. am 46. winner.
I 47. am happy. 48. Bad boy 49. run into 50. teachers room. I 51. am 52. dangerous.
53. Bad boy 54. saying. 55. Teacher is 56. angry.
57. After 58. Teacher 59. say "60. come on 61. jun he." I 62. am nervous and 63. scary.
64. Teacher hit the bad boy and my hand. After we 65. are saying.
"Sorry" 66. I and he said. It 67. is very nice and happy. Teacher 68. is 69. happy very very much. 70. And bad boy 71. happy too. I 72. am 73. many many friends.

[원어민 선생님의 유혈별 첨삭내용이며 어떻게 써야 더 알맞은 표현인지 알 수 있는 대목입니다]

Spelling/철자
Grammar_Articles(the, a or an)/관사 17. girl : a girl 20. the : a 21. girl : the girl 24. And : The 42. bad : the bad 46. winner. : the winner. 48. Bad : The bad 50. teachers : the teacher's 70. And : The
Grammar_Prepositions(on, at, from, by, to.....)/전치사
Grammar_Conjunction(and, but)/접속사 15. And they : They
Grammar_Capitalization/대소문자 58. Teacher : teacher 60. come : Come 61. jun he : Jun He
Grammar_Conjugation/동사변화활용 4. is : are 7. is : are 9. is : are 16. didn't : don't 25. crying : cries 33. punch : punched 34. am : was 36. attack : attacked 39. am hit : hit 41. is : was 43. has crying : cried 44. fighting : fought 45. am : was 47. am : was 49. run : ran 51. am : was 54. saying. : said, 59. say : said, 62. am : was 65. are saying. : said 67. is : was 68. is : was
Grammar_Punctuation/부호사용 10. (준호, 윤희, 종수) : 준호, 윤희, 종수 13. very : very, 18. friend. Becuse : friend because 22. sad : sad, 35. angry. Becuse : angry because 55. Teacher : "Teacher 56. angry. : angry." 73. many : many,
Essay Format_Sentence Structure/문장의 구성 1. Myfriends : My friends' 2. friend. Becuse : friendly because 11. they : and they 14. My boy friend is very very very many. : I have many male friends. 19. are angry it is strong very very much. : can be very angry. 23. fighting. : tries to fight. 29. is bad so much : can be really bad 30. My class in the : There is a 31. very very much : in my class 32. Bad : This bad 38. angry very very much. : really angry. 40. head : in the head 64. Teacher : Our teacher 66. I and he said. : to each other. 69. happy very very much : very happy 71. happy : was happy,
Essay Format_inappropriate Words/단어사용 적절성 3. it : we 5. friend : friends 6. friend : friends 8. It : They 12. Is it : They are 26. veryvery much : a lot 27. girl : girls 28. boy : boys 37. am : was 52. dangerous. : in danger. 53. Bad boy : He 57. After : Our 63. scary. : scared. 72. am : have

[학생이 작성한 작문에 대해 원어민 선생님이 아래와 같이 코멘트를 남겨 주셨네요]

Good day! I appreciate your effort in writing this essay. I think that your supporting details are relevant to the topic and are quite meaningful. You have good ideas. You have discussed your relationship with your friends and even wrote your own experience as an example of how friendly relationships can be so complex at times. Structure-wise, however, I think that you need to practice sentence writing some more using the basic sentence patterns as guides. Phrase them properly with appropriate and varied words and expression!!s. Your verbs for example should be in the correct tense (past tense for past events). Avoid fragments by not separating the clauses you already combined with "because". Use transition words to properly organize them and make them flow smoothly. Check the corrections. Good luck to you

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