[초등영작 7탄] 내 아이 영어 작문실력은? > 초등영어 게시판

아래의 컨텐츠는 초등학생이 직접 작성한 영어작문을 원어민 선생님이 실제로 첨삭지도 한 내용입니다.
또래 아이들의 영어작문 결과를 통해 내 아이 작문기초도 살~작 엳보는 기회로 활용하세요.

[작문주제입니다]

What kinds of stories are well-known in your country? Write about a popular story you know.

[학생이 작성한 Essay 원문이며 빨간표시는 원어민 선생님이 첨삭(수정)한 부분입니다]

I will write about 1. Simchung story.
There was a girl 2. that named Simchung.
She had a 3. father but her mother died when she was young.
Her 4. father,Simbongsa 5. is 6. a blind person but he 7. beg 8. Simchung's 9. milks.
Simchung 10. likes her father.
One day, 11. A monk 12. said,If Simbongsa 13. gives 300 14. packages of 15. rice to the monk,
16. Simbongsa can open his eyes.
17. But Simbongsa and Simchung didn't have them.
18. Finally,she jumped 19. to the 20. sea and got the 300 21. packages of rice.
22. But 23. Simbongsa can't open his eyes.
At the Dragon King's Palace, there 24. is a blind 25. person's party, Simchung
and Simbongsa 26. met there, 27. than Simbongsa 28. opened his eyes.
They 29. live happily 30. all the rest of their lives.

[원어민 선생님의 유혈별 첨삭내용이며 어떻게 써야 더 알맞은 표현인지 알 수 있는 대목입니다]

Spelling/철자 27. than : then
Grammar_Articles(the, a or an)/관사
Grammar_Prepositions(on, at, from, by, to.....)/전치사 8. Simchung : for Simchung 19. to : into
Grammar_Conjunction(and, but)/접속사 17. But : However, 22. But : Nevertheless, 30. all : for
Grammar_Capitalization/대소문자 11. A : a
Grammar_Conjugation/동사변화활용 5. is : was 7. beg : begged 10. likes : liked 24. is : was 29. live : lived
Grammar_Punctuation/부호사용 3. father : father, 4. father,Simbongsa : father, Simbongsa, 18. Finally,she : Finally, she 20. sea : sea,
Essay Format_Sentence Structure/문장의 구성 2. that named : named 12. said,If : said that if 13. gives : gave him 15. rice to the monk : rice 16. Simbongsa can open his : he could open Simbongsa's 23. Simbongsa can't open his : he could not open Simbongsa's 28. opened his eyes : eyes were opened
Essay Format_inappropriate Words/단어사용 적절성 1. Simchung story : the story of Simchung 6. a blind person : blind, 9. milks : milk 14. packages : packs 21. packages : packs 25. person : people 26. met : went

[학생이 작성한 작문에 대해 원어민 선생님이 아래와 같이 코멘트를 남겨 주셨네요]

The story was a bit strange. How was Simchung able to get rice from the sea? Anyway, thank you for sharing the story. However, I suggest you learn more about sentence construction and how to write an essay. An essay has an introduction, a body, and a conclusion. In addition, the paragraphs should have at least five sentences each, and make sure to put a space between the paragraphs. Review the use of articles and prepositions. If you are not sure which word to use, or about the spelling of a word, use a thesaurus, a dictionary, and the web, or ask your teacher. Use words or phrases like "however", "in addition", and "that is why" instead of beginning your sentences with conjunctions. Put a space after commas. If you want to talk about something that happened in the past, use the past tense of the verb. Do write more!

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