[초등영작 9탄] 내 아이 영어 작문실력 키우기.. > 초등영어 게시판

아래의 컨텐츠는 초등학생이 직접 작성한 영어작문을 원어민 선생님이 실제로 첨삭지도 한 내용입니다.
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[작문 주제입니다]

Your city has decide to build a statue or monument to honor a famous person in your country. Who would you choose?

[학생이 작성한 Essay 원문이며 빨간표시는 원어민 선생님이 첨삭(수정)한 부분입니다]

Your city 1. had decide to build a statue or monument to honor a famous person in your country. Who would you choose?
In our 2. country there is a 3. Kwang-ge-to the Great King. It's near 4. in our middle school. When people go 5. there they talk or they play with friends. I think that it is good. 6. but 7. when 8. make 9. monument to honor a famous person, I 10. will build 11. Se-jong 12. Great King because I like him. He 13. made the 14. Korean, a rain gauge, 15. sun clock and a celestial globe. I think that he is the best 16. of the 17. Korea famous 18. person. 19. When my city 20. had decide to build a 21. Se-jong 22. Great 23. King 24. people 25. will be proud. 26. And exactly I 27. will be happy because I respect him.
The second 28. people that I 29. want to build 30. in our city 31. I will build 32. You-guan-soon. She is 33. the common 34. people nobody 35. know her in 36. Korea but 37. shen 38. love Korea and she is the best 39. of the Korean. 40. When she 41. doesn't shout 42. "Korea independence 43. cheers" I'm 44. not conviction that our country Korea 45. is like now. Maybe we 46. will use Japanese. 47. And we will 48. talk our country 49. japan. In 50. the sad history 51. You-guan-soon 52. raise 53. our Koreas 54. power so sameness I am proud.
The third 55. people I 56. will 57. build 58. Kim-yu-na. She is the best in the world. 59. and when I see 60. her I think that 61. the 62. effort don't 63. infidelity. Many people 64. said that 65. kim-yu-na 66. tried very hard. 67. When we see 68. her we 69. can know it because she is the world's best and she 70. make a new history 71. of the figure skating. I love her because 72. we have to shadow her mental power.
I want to 73. write many people 74. about our history because 75. everyone is so proud to me and I want to be like 76. them but I just 77. put the certain people.

[원어민 선생님의 유혈별 첨삭내용이며 어떻게 써야 더 알맞은 표현인지 알 수 있는 대목입니다

Spelling/철자 37. shen : she
Grammar_Articles(the, a or an)/관사 9. monument : a monument 12. Great : the Great 22. Great : the Great 24. people : the people 33. the : a 42. "Korea : the Korea
Grammar_Prepositions(on, at, from, by, to.....)/전치사 4. in our : our 16. of : among 71. of the : in 73. write : write about 74. about : in
Grammar_Conjunction(and, but)/접속사 6. but : However, 59. and when : When
Grammar_Capitalization/대소문자 32. You-guan-soon : You Guan Soon 51. You-guan-soon : You Guan Soon 58. Kim-yu-na : Kim Yu Na 65. kim-yu-na : Kim Yu Na
Grammar_Conjugation/동사변화활용 1. had decide : has decided 10. will : would 20. had decide : decided 25. will : would 29. want : would want 35. know : knows 38. love : loves 41. doesn't shout : had not shouted 46. will use : would have used 52. raise : raised 56. will : would 64. said : say 66. tried : tries 69. can : will 70. make : made
Grammar_Punctuation/부호사용 2. country : country, 5. there : there, 23. King : King, 36. Korea : Korea, 60. her : her, 68. her : her, 76. them : them,
Essay Format_Sentence Structure/문장의 구성 3. Kwang-ge-to : monument of Kwang Ge To, 7. when : if I would 11. Se-jong : one for Se Jong, 14. Korean : Korean language 17. Korea famous : famous Korean 21. Se-jong : monument for Se Jong, 26. And exactly I : I 27. will : would really 30. in : a monument in 31. I will build : for is 39. of the Korean : Korean 45. is like : would not have been what it is 47. And we will : We would have also 49. japan : was Japan 50. the sad history : history, 53. our Koreas : Korea 54. power so sameness : to the same power of which 57. build : build a monument for is 72. we have to shadow : of 75. everyone is so proud to me and I : I am proud of everyone. I 77. put the : wrote about
Essay Format_inappropriate Words/단어사용 적절성 8. make : build 13. made : created 15. sun clock : sundial 18. person : people 19. When : If 28. people : person 34. people : person; 40. When : If 43. cheers" : shout, 44. not conviction : convinced 48. talk : said 55. people : person 61. the : her 62. effort : efforts 63. infidelity : diminish (?) 67. When : If

[학생이 작성한 작문에 대해 원어민 선생님이 아래와 같이 코멘트를 남겨 주셨네요]

You would make a very good History teacher. It is good that we know our history because it will help us understand better who we are as a people. Thank you for sharing some facts about your history. However, it would be best that you learn more about the basic sentence patterns. Make sure to put a space between the paragraphs. Use a thesaurus, a dictionary, and the web, or ask your teacher if you are not sure which word to use, or about the spelling of a word. Instead of beginning your sentences with conjunctions, use words or phrases like "however", "in addition", and "that is why". Review the use of articles and prepositions. Remember to always capitalize proper nouns, as well as the first word of all sentences. A singular subject needs a singular verb. I want to hear from you again!

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