[초등첨삭 14탄] 내 아이 영어 Writing 실력은? > 초등영어 게시판

아래의 컨텐츠는 초등학생이 직접 작성한 영어작문을 원어민 선생님이 실제로 첨삭지도 한 내용입니다.
또래 아이들의 영어작문 결과를 통해 내 아이 작문기초!! 살~작 엳보는 기회로 활용하세요.
같은주제로 직접 써보게 하시는 것도 Writing 실력을 Up시키는 좋은 방법입니다.

[작문주제입니다]

Let's talk about the relationship of your friends.

[학생이 작성한 Essay 원문이며 빨간표시는 원어민 선생님이 첨삭(수정)한 부분입니다]

I have 1.to many 2.boy friend and girl friend
3.Most I have just one 4.many boy friend and 5.girl 6.friendiend
7.First 8.My best girl friend is 9.gee young My 10.friend name
11.Gee young is 12.a very 13.kind and very 14.beautiful and she 15.very fast run
How 16.she meet? I 17.am 18.5 grade 19.I am she meet
20.I am she 21.so very 22.happy
I have 23.to two 24.best boy 25.friend
26.one is 27.min gon and 28.one is 29.da ho 30.he are 31.too 32.kind
33.min gon favorite 34.sports 35.run and 36.da ho favorite 37.sports 38.swimming
39.But 40.da ho 41.not 42.swimming because he 43.very 44.sore that's 45.too bad 46.and he win disease fighting
47.And I have 48.a good 49.friend
50.my around many and all good 51.friend 52.after I am make the many boy friend and girl friend and many boy friend and girl friend best boy friend and My best girl friend
53.teacher? you have 54.a many 55.boy friend and girl friend and many boy friend and girl friend best boy friend and best girl friend ?
56.And how many 57.boy 58.friend and 59.girl 60.friend 61.and many boy friend and girl friend best boy friend and best girl friend ?

[원어민 선생님의 유혈별 첨삭내용이며 어떻게 써야 더 알맞은 표현인지 알 수 있는 대목입니다]

Grammar_Articles(the, a or an)/관사 12.a very : very
Grammar_Prepositions(on, at, from, by, to.....)/전치사
Grammar_Conjunction(and, but)/접속사
Grammar_Capitalization/대소문자 8.My : my 9.gee young : Gee Young. 11.Gee young : Gee Young 26.one : One 27.min gon : Min Gon, 29.da ho : Da Ho. 33.min gon : Min Gon's 36.da ho : Da Ho's 40.da ho : Da Ho's
Grammar_Conjugation/동사변화활용
Grammar_Punctuation/부호사용 7.First : First, 13.kind and : kind, 14.beautiful : beautiful, 22.happy : happy. 32.kind : kind. 49.friend : friends.
Essay Format_Sentence Structure/문장의 구성 1.to many : a lot of 2.boy friend and girl friend : friends. 3.Most : Most of the time, 6.friendiend : girl friend that tags along with me. 10.friend name : friend 15.very fast run : can run very fast. 18.5 : in 5th 19.I am she meet : when I met her. 20.I am she : We both were 21.so very : so 23.to two : two 24.best boy : male best 25.friend : friends. 28.one : the other one 30.he : They 31.too : both too 35.run : is running 38.swimming : is swimming. 41.not : could not 42.swimming : swim lately 43.very : is very 44.sore : sick 46.and he win disease fighting : he has to fight the disease. 47.And I : I also 48.a : lots of 50.my around many and all : All of my these are 51.friend : friends of mine. 52.after I am make the many boy friend and girl friend and many boy friend and girl friend best boy friend and My best girl friend : I believe I would still make a lot of friends in the future. 53.teacher? you : How about you, teacher? Do you 54.a many : a lot of 55.boy friend and girl friend and many boy friend and girl friend best boy friend and best girl friend ? : friends and best friends, too? 56.And : If so, 61.and many boy friend and girl friend best boy friend and best girl friend ? : do you have, teacher?
Essay Format_inappropriate Words/단어사용 적절성 4.many boy : male 5.girl : female 16.she : we 17.am : was 34.sports : sport 37.sports : sport 39.But : However, 45.too : so 57.boy : male 58.friend : friends 59.girl : female 60.friend : friends

[학생이 작성한 작문에 대해 원어민 선생님이 아래와 같이 코멘트를 남겨 주셨네요]

Wow, you must have a lot of friends there! How many do you have? I have a lot of friends here, too! Keep the real ones -- they are the ones who'll stick with you for life! On your essay, I see that you have a lot of ideas up there. You lacked certain parts of an essay, though. Avoid repeating the same idea on essay, okay? On your sentences, it'll be good for you to browse through your grammar books. Study on sentence structure. Your sentences were quite confusing because they had jumbled parts. Observe proper capitalization too, okay? Same with punctuations. Give it your best next time, okay? Good luck!

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