[초등첨삭 15탄] 내 아이 영어 Writing 실력은? > 초등영어 게시판

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같은주제로 직접 써보게 하시는 것도 Writing 실력을 Up시키는 좋은 방법입니다.

[작문 주제입니다]

What do you think is the most interesting sea creature? Why?

[학생이 작성한 Essay 원문이며 빨간표시는 원어민 선생님이 첨삭(수정)한 부분입니다]

I think the most interesting sea creature is 1. Jellyfish.
2. Because The Jellyfish is very interesting.
The 3. Jellyfish 4. is live in the 5. far deep 6. ocean.
7. So We don't have 8. worried.
9. But we have 10. attention. 11. Step one 12. Jellyfish is 13. poisonous creature.
14. Step two 15. the Jellyfish 16. is died 17. but it 18. sting. 19. So dangerous.
20. When 21. I'm killed 22. the 23. Jellyfish.24. It's scared.25. Jellyfish is died.
My sister 26. has many Curiosity So she touched 27. the 28. Jellyfish.
29. But she 30. has 31. not 32. reaction.My sister has not fear.
I 33. say "Don't do 34. that!!!" So she 35. not touch the 36. Jellyfish.
The Lion Mane Jellyfish is 37. Very big 38. Jellyfish in the Earth.
I 39. see 40. the 41. poto 42. of Lion Mane Jellyfish it's very big than 43. person.
It's 44. 35 meter creature. The Jellyfish doesn't have brain, eyes, 45. heart anything. 46. However the Jellyfish eat 47. their food? I'm so 48. interesting.
I want to find the answer, but I can't find 49. answer. 50. Hey you! 51. However the 52. Jelly fish 53. is eat 54. their food? 55. You're homework. We 56. kill 57. Jellyfish 58. it's fun.
59. Because 60. Jellyfish is 61. my 62. scared ocean creature. Do you know 63. the spongi bob?
64. Sponzi bob is 65. don't scared 66. the 67. Jellyfish. I 68. want to don't scared 69. the 70. Jellyfish.

[원어민 선생님의 유혈별 첨삭내용이며 어떻게 써야 더 알맞은 표현인지 알 수 있는 대목입니다]

Spelling/철자 41. poto : photo 52. Jelly fish : jellyfish
Grammar_Articles(the, a or an)/관사 1. Jellyfish : the jellyfish Note: Use a small letter. 11. Step one : The 13. poisonous : a poisonous 27. the : a 37. Very : a very Note: Use a small letter. 43. person : a person 44. 35 : a 35 49. answer : the answer 59. Because : A 61. my : a
Grammar_Prepositions(on, at, from, by, to.....)/전치사 22. the : by the 66. the : of the 69. the : of the
Grammar_Conjunction(and, but)/접속사 9. But : However, Note: Add a comma. 14. Step two : When Note: Capitalize it. 20. When : If 29. But she : She 45. heart : heart, or Note: Insert a comma.
Grammar_Capitalization/대소문자 3. Jellyfish : jellyfish 7. So We : so we 12. Jellyfish : jellyfish 23. Jellyfish. : jellyfish Note: Remove the period. 28. Jellyfish : jellyfish 36. Jellyfish :jellyfish 58. it's : It's 60. Jellyfish : jellyfish 67. Jellyfish : jellyfish 70. Jellyfish : jellyfish
Grammar_Conjugation/동사변화활용 4. is live : lives 8. worried : to worry 16. is died : dies 18. sting : stings 30. has : had 33. say : said, Note: Add a comma. 39. see : saw 48. interesting : interested 53. is eat : eat 56. kill : will kill
Grammar_Punctuation/부호사용 6. ocean. : ocean, 34. that!!!" : that!" 50. Hey : Hey,
Essay Format_Sentence Structure/문장의 구성 2. Because The Jellyfish is very interesting. The : The 5. far deep : deep 10. attention : to pay attention 17. but it : it still 25. Jellyfish is died. : The jellyfish is still poisonous even when dead 26. has many Curiosity So : is very curious, so once 32. reaction.My sister has not : reaction and she did not feel 35. not : did not 38. Jellyfish in the Earth : jellyfish 42. of Lion Mane Jellyfish it's very big : and realized that it's bigger 57. Jellyfish : a jellyfish. 63. the spongi bob : Sponge Bob 68. want to don't : don't want to be
Essay Format_inappropriate Words/단어사용 적절성 15. the Jellyfish : it 19. So : It is very 21. I'm : I get 24. It's scared : it would be scary 31. not : no 40. the : its 46. However the Jellyfish : How does it 47. their : its 51. However : How does 54. their : its 55. You're : It's your 62. scared : scary 64. Sponzi bob : He 65. don't : not

[학생이 작성한 작문에 대해 원어민 선생님이 아래와 같이 코멘트를 남겨 주셨네요]

The article was able to explain what makes the jellyfish an interesting animal. You can express yourself well. I think that you make a lively conversationalist. When writing, however, there are many things we have to consider. Capitalization, spelling, and punctuation are basic areas. The presentation of the essay should be in paragraph form as this is an effective way to organize a lot of ideas. With regard to word forms, take note of adjectives that describe feelings and those that describe objects. For example, scary and interesting both describe an object. Scared and interested both describe what one feels. So we say: The jellyfish is scary. I am scared of the jellyfish. The jellyfish is interesting. I am interested about the jellyfish. Keep on writing, Min Soo. Have a great week ahead!

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