[초등첨삭 18탄] 내 아이 영어 Writing실력은? > 초등영어 게시판

아래의 컨텐츠는 초등학생이 직접 작성한 영어작문을 원어민 선생님이 실제로 첨삭지도 한 내용입니다.
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같은주제로 내 아이에게 직접 써보게 하시는 것도 Writing 실력을 Up시키는 좋은 방법입니다.

[작문 주제입니다]

Where is the coldest place you have ever visited?

[학생이 작성한 Essay 원문이며 빨간표시는 원어민 선생님이 첨삭(수정)한 부분입니다]

The coldest 1. city is 2. a 3. south pole, 4. south pole 5. is 6. best coldest temperature 7. is -88.3 8. degree.
9. The 10. coldest 11. city is 12. a 13. north 14. pole.
The hottest city 15. is 16. a iraq 17. in 18. baseulra, 19. Iraq 20. in 21. baseulra 22. is 23. best hottest temperature 24. is baseulra 58.8 25. degree.
The hottest city 26. is 27. a siberia 28. in 29. to verkhoyansk, 30. siberia 31. in 32. to verkhoyansk 33. is 34. best hotter temperature 35. is 36. -68 degree.
The hottest city 37. is 38. a korea 39. in Junggangjin, 40. korea 41. in 42. Junggangjin 43. is 44. best hotter temperature 45. is 46. -43.6 degree.
47. The 48. hottest city 49. is 50. a korea 51. in 52. daegu, 53. korea 54. in 55. daegu 56. is 57. best hotter temperature 58. is 40 59. degree.
60. The 61. hottest city 62. is a 63. hongkong, 64. hongkong 65. is 66. best 67. hotter temperature 68. is 40-50 69. degree.
The hottest 70. country is 71. a 72. sahara desert. 73. sahara 74. desert 75. is best hotter temperature 76. is 40-45 77. degree.
The coldest 78. country 79. is a 80. verkhoyansk, 81. verkhoyansk 82. is 83. best coldest temperature 84. is -67.8 85. degree.
86. The 87. hottest city 88. is a 89. irap in basra, 90. irap in basra 91. is best hottest 92. temperatuer 93. is 58.8 94. degree.

[원어민 선생님의 유혈별 첨삭내용이며 어떻게 써야 더 알맞은 표현인지 알 수 있는 대목입니다]

Spelling/철자 92. temperatuer : temperature
Grammar_Articles(the, a or an)/관사 2. a : the 6. best : the 12. a : the 16. a iraq : Iraq 22. is : the 27. a siberia : Siberia 33. is : the 38. a korea : Korea 43. is : the 50. a korea : Korea 56. is : the 62. is a : is 66. best : the 71. a : the 73. sahara : The Sahara 79. is a : is 82. is : the 88. is a : is
Grammar_Prepositions(on, at, from, by, to.....)/전치사 7. is : at 15. is : in 26. is : in 29. to verkhoyansk : Verkhoyansk 32. to verkhoyansk : Verkhoyansk 37. is : in 49. is : in
Grammar_Conjunction(and, but)/접속사 81. verkhoyansk : and
Grammar_Capitalization/대소문자 3. south : South 13. north : North 14. pole : Pole 18. baseulra : Baseulra 20. in : In 21. baseulra : Baseulra, 30. siberia : Siberia. 31. in : In 40. korea : Korea. 41. in : In 52. daegu : Daegu 54. in : In 55. daegu : Daegu, 63. hongkong : Hongkong 64. hongkong : Hongkong 72. sahara : Sahara 80. verkhoyansk : Verkhoyansk
Grammar_Conjugation/동사변화활용
Grammar_Punctuation/부호사용 19. Iraq : Iraq. 42. Junggangjin : Junggangjin,
Essay Format_Sentence Structure/문장의 구성 4. south pole : it 8. degree : degrees Celsius 10. coldest : very cold 17. in : is in 23. best hottest : hottest 24. is baseulra : was 25. degree : degrees Celsius 34. best hotter : hottest 36. -68 degree : 68 degrees Celsius 44. best hotter : hottest 46. -43.6 degree : 43.6 degrees Celsius 48. hottest : very hot 53. korea : South Korea. 57. best hotter : hottest 59. degree : degrees Celsius 61. hottest : very hot 69. degree : degrees Celsius 75. is best hotter : hottest 77. degree : degrees Celsius 83. best coldest : coldest 85. degree : degrees Celsius 87. hottest : very hot 89. irap in basra, : Basra in Iraq. 90. irap in basra : Basra's 91. is best hottest : hottest 94. degree : degrees Celsius
Essay Format_inappropriate Words/단어사용 적절성 1. city : place 5. is : has 9. The : Another 11. city : place 28. in : is 35. is : was 39. in : is 45. is : was 47. The : Another 51. in : is 58. is : was 60. The : Another 65. is : where 67. hotter : hottest 68. is : was 70. country : place 74. desert : desert's 76. is : was 78. country : place 84. is : was 86. The : Another 93. is : was

[학생이 작성한 작문에 대해 원어민 선생님이 아래와 같이 코멘트를 남겨 주셨네요]

Those were mean facts! I don't think I'd be able to survive in all of those cities. Next time, make an outline of your ideas to make the essay more logical and organized. Lots of content is good, but it has to make sense. There has to be a clear introduction, body of supporting statements, and conclusion. The transition between these 3 parts has to be smooth and interconnected. Double-check your facts - remember that you are imparting information to your reader, so make sure that everything is accurate. Add variety to your sentence structure as well. Observe correct grammar, such as subject-verb agreement and tenses. Use a dictionary to verify the spelling of your vocabulary. Keep practicing

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