[초등첨삭 21탄] 내 아이 영어 Writing 실력은? > 초등영어 게시판

아래의 컨텐츠는 초등학생이 직접 작성한 영어작문을 원어민 선생님이 실제로 첨삭지도 한 내용입니다.
또래 아이들의 영어작문 결과를 통해 내 아이 작문기초!! 살~작 엳보는 기회로 활용하세요.
같은주제로 내 아이에게 직접 써보게 하시는 것도 Writing 실력을 Up시키는 좋은 방법입니다.

[작문주제입니다]

Imagine you are an archaeologist with unlimited money. Where would you choose to study and dig for artifacts? Why would you choose this place? What would you hope to find?

[학생이 작성한 Essay 원문이며 빨간표시는 원어민 선생님이 첨삭(수정)한 부분입니다]

If I 1. was 2. scientist, I 3. will 4. study the unique one. 5. Like ramen, hairstyle,
6. nowadays 7. fashion,, 8. like these. 9. To say Frankly to you I don't like science, and I'm not good at science. So, 10. If I have to 11. do scientist, I 12. will do 13. with interesting one that people will interest. I want to give 14. exciting 15. and interesting one to people. I don't like to study 16. like animals, biology, physics, chemistry, anatomy, botany, 17. astronomy because 18. it 19. is to hard to study and I don't have interest in 20. that, 21. so I want to do what I want.
First, I want to study how we can make ramen delicious, and I will report it to "The Guinness Book of 22. Records'. So I will be the best ramen cook.
I think it's 23. impossible, It's just talking, nothing else. But if I can 24. do, I will do it!
Second, I want to study a lot of 25. hairstyle. From last 26. year, I studied about 27. the hair style untile now. 28. So I want to be 29. who good 30. at all 31. of hairstyle.
Third, I will study 32. nowadays fashion. I will design by my 33. hand, think about 34. design, It's really just like 35. dream, I 36. will must be a 37. fashionist 38. in 39. future!!
For these reasons, I will study ramen, hairstyle, and 40. nowadays fashion.
I hope it will be true. Thank you for your attention.

[원어민 선생님의 유혈별 첨삭내용이며 어떻게 써야 더 알맞은 표현인지 알 수 있는 대목입니다]

Grammar_Articles(the, a or an)/관사 2. scientist : a scientist 35. dream, : a dream. Note: Change the punctuation. 38. in : in the
Grammar_Prepositions(on, at, from, by, to.....)/전치사 15. and interesting one to : to 30. at : with
Grammar_Conjunction(and, but)/접속사 17. astronomy : or astronomy 21. so I : I 28. So I : I 33. hand, : hand and
Grammar_Capitalization/대소문자 10. If : if
Grammar_Conjugation/동사변화활용 1. was : were 3. will : would 12. will : would 19. is : are
Grammar_Punctuation/부호사용 7. fashion,, : fashion, 39. future!! : future!
Essay Format_Sentence Structure/문장의 구성 4. study the unique one : make unique studies 9. To say Frankly to you : Frankly 13. with interesting one that people will interest : studies on areas that interest people 16. like animals : animals 22. Records'. So : Records' so 23. impossible, It's : impossible; it's 24. do : do it 26. year : year up until now 27. the hair style untile now : hairstyles 29. who good : good 36. will must : must
Essay Format_inappropriate Words/단어사용 적절성 5. Like : I would study 6. nowadays : current 8. like these : and similar things 11. do : be a 14. exciting : excitement 18. it : they 20. that, : them. Note: Change the punctuation. 25. hairstyle : hairstyles 31. of hairstyle : hairstyles 32. nowadays : the current 34. design, : designs. Note: Change the punctuation. 37. fashionist : fashion stylist 40. nowadays : current

[학생이 작성한 작문에 대해 원어민 선생님이 아래와 같이 코멘트를 남겨 주셨네요]

You're welcome! You have unique and honest answers in the article. However, although there was a good amount of organization in the text, you have to be improve your introduction so that it appears as one paragraph. You can express yourself nonetheless. Keep working on the way your form words and phrases. Take note of the proper terms and additional vocabulary in your notes because you may need to use them later on. If you're talking about something you wish to do, you may use the past tense in the conditional part of your sentence and would + base verb in the result. Ex: If I 'were' a scientist, I 'would study' hairstyles. If I 'were' a cook, I 'would make' the best ramen.

I hope you will find the next topic fun and challenging. Have a great week ahead, Amy!

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