[초등첨삭 22탄] 내 아이 영어 Writing 실력은? > 초등영어 게시판

아래의 컨텐츠는 초등학생이 직접 작성한 영어작문을 원어민 선생님이 실제로 첨삭지도 한 내용입니다.
또래 아이들의 영어작문 결과를 통해 내 아이 작문기초!! 살~작 엳보는 기회로 활용하세요.
같은주제로 내 아이에게 직접 써보게 하시는 것도 Writing 실력을 Up시키는 좋은 방법입니다.

[작문주제입니다]

Describe your house or apartment.

Then list the ways in which you would improve it with all of your family members in mind.

[학생이 작성한 Essay 원문이며 빨간표시는 원어민 선생님이 첨삭(수정)한 부분입니다]

Today, there are many designs 1. of 2. apartment.
3. And lately now there are 4. High rise residential 5. building,
6. it's apartment and store put together and it's more comfortable and 7. good.
8. I'm live 9. in 10. High-rise residential 11. building too.
12. But, I want to 13. Lay out my room.
Do you want to know how I want 14. to Lay out my room?
15. Look it this essay!

First thing is that, I want to 16. expansion my room 17. more big.
18. And than, I will put more furniture in my room.
I want to do this 19. thing's because big
and 20. put more furniture 21. more successful to live.

22. Second thing is that, I want to 23. make secret room in my room.
24. And there, I will put my secret diary and game 25. player.
When I 26. was scolded 27. to my mom, I will go to my secret room,
and I will hide in the room.

These are 28. my guidelines of how to lay out my house.
Do you want some 29. new thing?
30. lay out your own house!

[원어민 선생님의 유혈별 첨삭내용이며 어떻게 써야 더 알맞은 표현인지 알 수 있는 대목입니다]

Grammar_Articles(the, a or an)/관사 9. in : in a
Grammar_Prepositions(on, at, from, by, to.....)/전치사 1. of : for 27. to : by
Grammar_Conjunction(and, but)/접속사
Grammar_Capitalization/대소문자 4. High rise : high-rise Note: Add a hyphen (-). 10. High-rise : high-rise
Grammar_Conjugation/동사변화활용 16. expansion : expand
Grammar_Punctuation/부호사용 11. building : building,
Essay Format_Sentence Structure/문장의 구성 3. And lately now : Now 6. it's apartment and store put together and it's : The design of the apartment and the availability of a store makes it 12. But, I : I 14. to Lay out my room : my room to look like 15. Look it this essay! First thing is that : First 18. And than, I : I 19. thing's because big : thing because a big room 21. more successful to live : means more success 22. Second thing is that : Second 24. And there, I : I 25. player : player there
Essay Format_inappropriate Words/단어사용 적절성 2. apartment : apartments 5. building : buldings 7. good : better 8. I'm : I 13. Lay out : change 17. more big : into something bigger 20. put more : a lot of 23. make secret room in my : have a secret 26. was : get 28. my guidelines of how to lay out : the changes I would like to have in 29. new thing : other changes 30. lay out : You can design Note: Capitalize the first word.

[학생이 작성한 작문에 대해 원어민 선생님이 아래와 같이 코멘트를 남겨 주셨네요]

You were able to give an idea how you apartment looks like and what the main changes would be. However, take note that the topic asks you to design the house with your family members in mind. This means you may have to change other parts of the house that they use like the living room, the dining room, their own rooms, etc. You may also give details about how your apartment looks like because high rise buildings differ. Apartments differ because the personaliy of those who live in them vary also.

Don't forget to capitalize the first word of each sentence. It's always good to review what we have written to check on errors we might not have seen. Take note of your word forms, too. If you want to express what you want to do, use the base verb after 'I want to...' Ex: I want to 'sing.' I want to 'call' my friend. I want to 'expand' my room.

Keep on writing, Yeong Ree. Have a great day!

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