[초등첨삭 23탄] 내 아이 영어 Writing 실력은? > 초등영어 게시판

아래의 컨텐츠는 초등학생이 직접 작성한 영어작문을 원어민 선생님이 실제로 첨삭지도 한 내용입니다.
또래 아이들의 영어작문 결과를 통해 내 아이 작문기초!! 살~작 엳보는 기회로 활용하세요.
같은주제로 내 아이에게 직접 써보게 하시는 것도 Writing 실력을 Up시키는 좋은 방법입니다.

[작문제목]

Your city has decide to build a statue or monument to honor a famous person in your country. Who would you choose?

[학생작문]

These days, many 1. city have their own bronze statue. In my city (Guri 2. city), we 3. have Kwang-Gae-Toe-King bronze statue. He 4. conquer China. When he 5. conquer other 6. country, our country 7. have the widest field 8. on our chronicle. 9. Then, if I 10. can build 11. new bronze statue, I want to 12. build Jang-Su-King. 13. Because, He also 14. widen our territory. Kwang-Gae-Toe-King conquered 15. China. But, Jang-Su-King conquered 16. south of 17. Han-river. 18. So, Kokuryew 19. could have filed which we could harvest granary.
He was 20. Kwang-Gae-Toe-Kings son. He lived 21. 91 years. He 22. symbol long life.
If we 23. build Jang-Su-King bronze statue, 24. Its symbol 25. is richness, long life, and 26. hero. 27. So I want to build it.

[첨삭내용]

Grammar_Articles(the, a or an)/관사 3. have : have a 11. new : a new 16. south : the south 23. build : build a
Grammar_Prepositions(on, at, from, by, to.....)/전치사 8. on : in 21. 91 : for 91
Grammar_Conjunction(and, but)/접속사 9. Then : However
Grammar_Capitalization/대소문자 2. city : City 24. Its : its
Grammar_Conjugation/동사변화활용 4. conquer : conquered 5. conquer : conquered 7. have : had 10. can : could 14. widen : widened 25. is : will be
Grammar_Punctuation/부호사용 20. Kwang-Gae-Toe-Kings : Kwang-Gae-Toe-King's 27. So : So,
Essay Format_Sentence Structure/문장의 구성 12. build : build one for 13. Because, He : He 15. China. But, : China, but 17. Han-river : Han River 18. So, Kokuryew : Kokuryew 19. could have filed which we could harvest : would be satisfied when harvest something for our
Essay Format_inappropriate Words/단어사용 적절성 1. city : cities 6. country : countries 22. symbol : symbolizes 26. hero : heroism

[강사 Comments]

The article was able to give a brief but sufficient discussion. It could have talked further about Su King's life to support the idea of having a monument built for him.

The sentences you wrote were clear enough to understand. One line was not very clear, however: So, Kokuryew could have filed which we could harvest granary. Kindly work on this sentence's structure. Be careful with your verb tenses also, especially when you have to talk about both the past and present in your article. Remember to use past tense verbs to describe finished action and the present tense for general statements. Please review the different 'conditionals' as a supplement.

I hope you will find the notes useful. Keep on writing, Kong Hoon. Have a good day!

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