[초등첨삭 27탄] 내 아이 영어 Writing 실력은 > 초등영어 게시판

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[작문제목]

Confucius’ main interest was to figure out ways for the government to do a better job of taking care of the people. What is your “main interest” right now in life (“main interest” can be interpreted in any way you wish)? Describe this interest in detail.

[학생작문]

Every 1. people 2. have many 3. interests themselves. 4. That the interests are 5. different like personality diversity. 6. The interests 7. are often changed. 8. And they find their 9. own dream from it. Other people 10. can know the features after 11. see the interests.
12. Likewise that, I have my own interests. Among 13. of them my main 14. interest to be a professor in the future. I like to read 15. books. And I want to 16. useful person suffer my experience. I want 17. have worth and 18. effort person.
19. So I do that way, I should study hard and read more 20. diversity books. 21. Also minterpersonal relations with many people.
Of 22. cource it will be not easy, but 23. investment 24. for many time and effort 25. together maybe I can do it.
So 26. say 27. agian, my main interest is to be a professor. If I 28. effort in my 29. given things I can 30. be helpful person to many people. 31. And then I 32. will be achievement my dream.

[첨삭내용]

Spelling/철자 22. cource : course 27. agian : again
Grammar_Articles(the, a or an)/관사 6. The interests : Interests
Grammar_Prepositions(on, at, from, by, to.....)/전치사
Grammar_Conjunction(and, but)/접속사
Grammar_Capitalization/대소문자
Grammar_Conjugation/동사변화활용 2. have : has 7. are often changed : often change 17. have : to have 23. investment : investing 32. will be achievement : will achieve
Grammar_Punctuation/부호사용
Essay Format_Sentence Structure/문장의 구성 3. interests themselves : interests 5. different like personality diversity : as diverse as someone's personality 12. Likewise that, I : I also 13. of them my : my 15. books. And : books and 16. useful person suffer my experience : be a useful person 18. effort : I will make an effort to be such a 21. Also minterpersonal : I should also improve my interpersonal 24. for many time : time 25. together maybe I can : can 26. say : I say 28. effort : exert effort 31. And then I : I
Essay Format_inappropriate Words/단어사용 적절성 1. people : person 4. That the : These 8. And they find : People pursue 9. own dream from it : dreams based on their interests 10. can know the features : realize their goals 11. see the : knowing their 14. interest : interests is 19. So I do that way : To achieve this 20. diversity : diverse 29. given things : duties 30. be helpful person to : help

[강사 Comments]

The article was able to respond appropriately to the topic and present ideas neatly. You can still organize the sentences further by putting together related ideas in one paragraph. Remember to put a space between your paragraphs so it's easier to see where they begin. Take note of your sentence construction and word forms. It would help if you know how a word works in a sentence. Diversity, for example, is a noun while diverse is an adjective. We say: There is diversity in what I read. I read diverse books.

I hope you'll find the notes useful. Keep expanding your vocabulary, Harim. Have a great day!

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