[초등첨삭 28탄] 내 아이 영어 Writing 실력은? > 초등영어 게시판

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[작문제목]

Supernatural beings have been a part of the human experience for as long as people have walked into dark forests scary houses and down lonely roads. But do you believe in ghosts monsters or spirits? Why or why not? Give reasons for your viewpoint.

[학생작문]

If I were a millionaire, first, I will buy a house 1.to my 2.parents, Second, I will buy 3.many 4.clothings, shoes, 5.accessories and 6.etc. Third, I will 6.establish many schools, libraries, and 7.many companies 8.with my name. 9.And last, I will contribute to 10.helpful places once a year.

First, I will buy a house 11.to my parents because 12.of my parents 13.always raise me up. So, I 14.must feel thank to 15.parents everyday. 16.And also they 17.investment to me so much money and 18.days. So, I want to 20.recompense 21.to my parents 22.anything.

Second, I will buy 23.many 24.clothings, shoes, 25.accessories and 26.etc. 27.Many girls want to 28.buy 29.many 30.clothings, shoes, 31.accessories and 32.etc., and I am a girl, 33.too. So, I want to buy 34.them very much. This wish 35.may be the most important to me.

Third, I will 36.establish many schools, libraries, and many companies 37.with my name. Many millionaires 38.may be do this work. 39.I will build many buildings 40.with my name 41.in the world.

42.And the last one, I will contribute to 43.helpful places once a year. 44.Because I see many poor people. 45.But, I could not help them. So, I will contribute to 46.helpful places once a year.

[첨삭내용]

Grammar_Articles(the, a or an)/관사
Grammar_Prepositions(on, at, from, by, to.....)/전치사 1.to : for 11.to : for 12.of my : my 22.anything : with anything
Grammar_Conjunction(and, but)/접속사 16.And also : Also, 39.I : and I
Grammar_Capitalization/대소문자
Grammar_Conjugation/동사변화활용 35.may be : is
Grammar_Punctuation/부호사용 2.parents, : parents. 5.accessories and : accessories, 6.etc. : etc.. 25.accessories and : accessories, 26.etc. : etc.. 31.accessories : accessories,
Essay Format_Sentence Structure/문장의 구성 3.many : a lot of 6.establish many : put up 7.many : many other 10.helpful places : charities and other places that offer help to others at least 13.always raise me up : are the ones who raised me 14.must feel thank : must be thankful 15.parents : my parents 17.investment to me : invested 18.days : time with me 21.to my parents : them 23.many : a lot of 29.many : a lot of 32.etc. : among others 33.too : as well 34.them : a lot of them 36.establish : put up 38.may be do : do 41.in : all around 42.And the last : Lastly 43.helpful places : charities and other places that offer help at least 44.Because : It's because 46.helpful places : charities and other places that offer help at least
Essay Format_inappropriate Words/단어사용 적절성 4.clothings : clothes 8.with : under 9.And last : Lastly 20.recompense : compensate 24.clothings : clothes 27.Many : Most 28.buy : have 30.clothings : clothes 37.with : under 40.with : under 45.But : However

[강사 Comments]

Wow, now that was a well-constructed essay! Your english was quite fluent, even if you had a number of errors. You must be a real sweet one! However, your essay had a couple of parts missing. You had no introduction and you also had a vague conclusion. On your sentences, avoid starting sentences with conjunctions like "and" and "but". Study on prepositions, too. You seem to be quite confused on what preposition to put. Each preposition has it's meaning, too. Study their meanings -- they could be of great help to you in putting the right ones in place. Add a couple of new words to your vocabulary as well. Browse a dictionary for this, and try to add a couple of new words every day. You're on the right track, just keep on going! Good luck!

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