[초등첨삭 29탄] 내 아이 영어 Writing 실력은? > 초등영어 게시판

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[작문제목]

Where is the coldest place you have ever visited?

[학생작문]

I 1.introduce hot 2.country. I 3.visited in a Egypt. Egypt 4.is a very many 5.snad. Egypt has been a nation for much longer than most. Most people 6.visited this country. 7.Ehypt famous cultural 8.assets is the sphinx. 9.And another famous cultural 10.assets is 11.a 12.pyramid. 13.Sphinx has a 14.person head and 15.tiger the body. 16.Pyramid 17.has a triangle. 18.Pyramid 19.is a heavy. Another very hot country 20.is a Africa. Africa is a very hot country. Africa is 21.the natural country. 22.Africa 23.field 24.has the many 25.animal. 26.Lion, 27.tiger, 28.monkey, 29.etc. I 30.introduce cold 31.country. 32.Cold country 33.is a Canada. Canada 34.insufficiency is called 35.Inuit. 36.Inuit 37.insufficiency population is a 3000. Inuit 38.is Canada's people in the 39.northern. 40.Inuit live in 41.the an igloo. 42.Igloo 43.is a very warm. 44.Lately 45.Inuit 46.live in 47.the house. Not 48.igloo! 49.And Inuit house is 50.the have a heat. 51.Canadian people cold the northern and canadian people 52.move 53.the south Canada. Another 54.hot country 55.is 56.a grinland. 57.Grinland 58.very cold and few people 59.in the grinland. 60.Grinland 61.sled 62.is slide on the snow.

[첨삭내용]

Spelling/철자 5.snad : sand 7.Ehypt : Egypt's 56.a grinland : Greenland 57.Grinland : Greenland 60.Grinland : Greenland
Grammar_Articles(the, a or an)/관사 11.a : the 13.Sphinx : A sphinx 20.is a : is 35.Inuit : the Inuit 36.Inuit : The Inuits 49.And : An
Grammar_Prepositions(on, at, from, by, to.....)/전치사
Grammar_Conjunction(and, but)/접속사 9.And another : Another
Grammar_Capitalization/대소문자 26.Lion : lions
Grammar_Conjugation/동사변화활용 33.is a : would be 52.move : had moved 55.is : would be 62.is : are used
Grammar_Punctuation/부호사용 29.etc. : etc.. 44.Lately : Lately,
Essay Format_Sentence Structure/문장의 구성 1.introduce : will tell you about 3.visited in a : once went to 4.is a very many : is full of 6.visited this : have went to this 14.person head : head of a human 15.tiger the body : and a body of a tiger 17.has a triangle : are triangular in shape 19.is a : are also 21.the : known as a 24.has the : are inhibited by 25.animal. : animals, which include 30.introduce : will also tell you about 32.Cold : One cold 34.insufficiency is : has people that are 37.insufficiency population is a : have a population of about 38.is Canada's people : live 39.northern : northern part of Canada 41.the an igloo : igloos 45.Inuit : the Inuits 46.live : have been living 47.the house. Not : houses, not 50.the have a heat : warm inside 51.Canadian people cold the northern and canadian people : Most Canadian people, including the ones who live in the northern part, 53.the south : to the southern part of 58.very cold : has a very cold climate, 59.in the grinland : there
Essay Format_inappropriate Words/단어사용 적절성 2.country : countries 8.assets : asset 10.assets : asset 12.pyramid : pyramids 16.Pyramid : Pyramids 18.Pyramid : Pyramids 22.Africa : Africa's 23.field : fields 27.tiger : tigers 28.monkey : monkeys 31.country : countries 40.Inuit : Inuits 42.Igloo : Igloos 43.is a : are 48.igloo : igloos 54.hot : cold 61.sled : sleds

[강사 Comments]

Now where would you want to be, in a hot country or in a cold country? That would be a tough question, wouldn't it? You did quite well on your essay that I was even surprised that you also discussed hot countries. However, this caused your essay to lack detail. You had to split your ideas and distribute them to hot and cold countries. Next time, try to stick on one topic only. Review your p***e for essay parts, too. On your sentences, you made a lot of errors on verb forms and tenses. Study on this topic -- it could get quite confusing in the long run if you don't. Also, be careful on spelling and punctuation. You had quite a number of errors on articles, too. Study on these parts. I know you could do better -- just give it your best, okay? Don't give up, good luck!

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