[31탄 초등첨삭] 내 아이 영어 Writing 실력은? > 초등영어 게시판

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[작문제목]

Do you agree of disagree with the following statement ? Boys and girls should attend seperate schools.

[학생작문]

1. Sometimes I 2. think what middle school I want to go 3. to? 4. I never go 5. to
girls' middle school. 6. There are so scary. The girls smoke very well.
Most students in girl's middle 7. school, hit the bottle. 8. '동구' middle
school is located around my 9. an area. That 10. school' teachers 11. were
make up pose a question to all 12. of first grade 13. student. 14. Findings 15. on
inquiry, 60 percent of first 16. grade can smoke or smoke very often.
Also, 17. Most students 18. of 19. first 20. grade, 21. they have 22. minimum a pack of
cigarettes. I was very 23. surprising when I heard it. This 24. happen 25. was
this year, 25. last month.
Some 26. student 27. in 28. girl's or 29. boy's middle 30. school, 31. they want 32. bring our
some 33. money, 34. if we don't have any money, 35. sometimes they 36. hit.
Also, 37. they are 38. threat 39. to our 40. with give 41. to money.
Therefore, I really don't want go 42. to 43. seperate school.
In our area, we 44. have only two 45. seperate middle 46. school. 47. One is 48. '구리'
49. girl's middle school, another is 50. '구리' 51. boy's middle school.
A lot of 52. students in elementary 53. 6 grade, 54. most students may be
55. girls 56. we'really don't 57. go to that school. My mom said to me,
58. if you go to that school, you 59. will 60. transfer 61. of 62. school.
63. So I 64. was proud 65. my mom when 66. I was heard 67. it

[첨삭내용]

Spelling/철자 45. seperate : separate
Grammar_Articles(the, a or an)/관사 5. to : to a 9. an area : area 12. of : of the 15. on : on an 19. first : the first 27. in : in a 42. to : to a 53. 6 : the 6th
Grammar_Prepositions(on, at, from, by, to.....)/전치사 2. think : think about 18. of : from 40. with give : give 61. of : to 65. my : of my
Grammar_Conjunction(and, but)/접속사
Grammar_Capitalization/대소문자 17. Most : most 34. if : If 47. One : one
Grammar_Conjugation/동사변화활용 60. transfer : to transfer
Grammar_Punctuation/부호사용 1. Sometimes : Sometimes, 3. to? : to. 20. grade, : grade 28. girl's : girls' 29. boy's : boys' 30. school, : school 33. money, : money. 49. girl's : girls' 51. boy's : boys' 58. if : "If 67. it : it.
Essay Format_Sentence Structure/문장의 구성 4. I : I would 11. were make up pose : pose 14. Findings : Based on findings 21. they have : have 22. minimum : at least 25. was this : this 25. last : just last 31. they want : want 32. bring our : us to bring 35. sometimes they : they sometimes 36. hit : hurt us 37. they are : they 39. to our : us to 44. have only : only have 46. school. : schools: 48. '구리' : The Copper 50. '구리' : The Copper 52. students in elementary : elementary students from 54. most students may be : who are mostly 56. we'really don't : don't really 57. go : plan to go 59. will : will want 62. school : another school 66. I was : I
Essay Format_inappropriate Words/단어사용 적절성 6. There : They 7. school, : schools 8. '동구' : Eastern Europe 10. school' : school's 13. student : students 16. grade : graders 23. surprising : surprised 24. happen : happened 26. student : students 38. threat : threaten 41. to : our 43. seperate : different 55. girls : female 63. So : Therefore, 64. was : felt

[강사 Comments]

Your mother must be very happy to have a good daughter like yourself. You had very unique insights and I enjoyed reading your essay. However, your ideas still seemed quite disorganized. Try to write an outline to help you know the general structure of your p***e. Just make sure that there is an introduction, body, and conclusion. Improve your sentence construction by shortening them. The goal is to make it as easy as possible for your reader to understand. Study more on thr proper use of prepositions and articles. Do not forget to go over your work one last time to correct spelling, punctuation, and capitalization errors. Good luck!

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