[초등첨삭 33탄] 내 아이 영어Writing 실력은? > 초등영어 게시판

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[작문제목]

Do you like riding a bicycle? Why or why not?

[학생작문]

1. yes,I do.2. Because it is 3. fun. and it 4. will give a tip to be healthy.
5. if you lose your 6. important 7. health 8. it lost more than lose wealth and 9. a honor. Wealth and honor 10. to come back is very hard. but health 11. comes more harder. 12. even, you may lose your spirit.
13. so if you want to be 14. healthy 15. to do 16. a lots of exercise.
17. but do the exercise it is good for you.
18. but if you do 19. the exercise that you can't do, you will be tired,20. or it is bad for your health. 21. if you don't want to do 22. an exercise, how about riding a bike? 23. if 24. you possible to ride a to ride a bike ride it.

[첨삭내용]

Grammar_Articles(the, a or an)/관사 9. a honor : honor 16. a lots : lots
Grammar_Prepositions(on, at, from, by, to.....)/전치사
Grammar_Conjunction(and, but)/접속사 20. or : so
Grammar_Capitalization/대소문자 1. yes,I : Yes, I 5. if : If 13. so : So, 21. if : If 23. if : If
Grammar_Conjugation/동사변화활용
Grammar_Punctuation/부호사용 3. fun. : fun, 7. health : health, 14. healthy : healthy,
Essay Format_Sentence Structure/문장의 구성 2. Because : I like it because 8. it lost more than lose : you will lose a more important thing than 10. to come back is very hard. : are very hard to get back, 12. even, you may : You may even 15. to do : you have to do 17. but do the exercise it : Doing exercise 24. you possible to ride a to ride a bike ride it : it's possible for you to ride a bike, then do so
Essay Format_inappropriate Words/단어사용 적절성 4. will give a tip : is one way 6. important : good 11. comes more : is even 18. but : However, 19. the : some 22. an : that

[강사 Comments]

I can say that you gave a good and relevant answer to the question, and I agree with you that riding a bike is good for health. However, I can't ride a bike and I don't know how to do it, so I envy you. I hope you can make it a habit to ride a bike when you have spare time. Anyway, you can express good ideas in your article but you sometimes find it hard to put them in sentences. You must also observe proper capitalization when you're writing. There are words that are not effective for your ideas, so be more careful with your diction. Nevertheless, you have made a good article, so keep on improving.

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