[초등첨삭 35탄] 내 아이 영어 Writing 실력은? > 초등영어 게시판

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[작문제목]

What is your favorite kind of dog? Why?

[학생작문]

My favorite 1. dog 2. is 3. husky and 4. Maltese,poodle.
First, 5. why I Iike husky.
6. Husky no grow finish, very cute. 7. And grow finish look like very strong and 8. loyal with me(I'm master)
9. One more, I and my husky 10. go the 11. north pole, 12. husky and 13. me 14. ride 15. dogsled. I think 16. its very *****. 17. But, I don't like 18. husky 19. have blue eyes.
20. Second,why I like 21. Maltese.
22. Because 23. Maltese 24. just very cute. 25. And it is easy 26. take care of. It 27. is give little food and 28. did no many exercise. 29. So me to comfortable.
Finally, 30. why I like 31. poodle.
32. Poodle hair very *****. 33. Poodle hair is permanent. 34. So see poodle, I think 35. my mom. 36. So I like poodle.

[첨삭내용]

Grammar_Articles(the, a or an)/관사 15. dogsled : a dogsled 18. husky : a husky 21. Maltese : the maltese Note: Use a small letter. 22. Because : A 31. poodle : the poodle
Grammar_Prepositions(on, at, from, by, to.....)/전치사 19. have : with 35. my : of my
Grammar_Conjunction(and, but)/접속사 4. Maltese,poodle : maltese and poodle Note: Use a small letter. 17. But : However 25. And it : It
Grammar_Capitalization/대소문자 11. north pole, : North Pole. Note: Change the punctuation. 23. Maltese : maltese
Grammar_Conjugation/동사변화활용 2. is : are 14. ride : will ride 26. take : to take
Grammar_Punctuation/부호사용 3. husky and : husky,
Essay Format_Sentence Structure/문장의 구성 5. why I Iike : I will talk about why I like the 6. Husky no grow finish, : A husky is 8. loyal with me(I'm master) : loyal. 9. One more, I : I 10. go : will go to 12. husky : My husky 20. Second,why : Now I will talk about why 29. So me to comfortable : To me it's convenient to raise 30. why : I will talk about why 32. Poodle hair : The poodle's hair is 34. So see : When I see a poodle 36. So I like : This is why I like the
Essay Format_inappropriate Words/단어사용 적절성 1. dog : dogs 7. And grow finish look like : When it grow up it is 13. me : I 16. its very ***** : it will be so much fun 24. just : is 27. is give : needs 28. did no many : does not need a lot of 33. Poodle : It's

[강사 Comments]

You were able to describe the animals clearly enough. The word choices were good but the article jumped from one subject to another too quickly. To organize the text, write the sentences in paragraphs. Show the introduction, body, and conclusion clearly. Describe each animal in further detail. You may also pick just one animal, one that you like the most, and then give information about it. Having such organization will allow you to discuss a topic with sentences that connect better with each other.

Keep on writing, Hae In. Have a great day!

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