[초등첨삭 37탄] 내 아이 영어 Writing 실력은? > 초등영어 게시판

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[작문제목]

What would you do if you were on a boat that was sinking?

[학생작문]

First, 1. shout 2. to help with my 3. life for survivors. because, I cannot 4. swimming. 5. if 6. i 7. into the ocean, 8. so i dead 9. for 10 10. second. 11. and My life is very 12. import!!ance, because I am my mother's son and my father's son. 13. Second,I 14. will write 15. to the 16. testament. and 17. write of my 18. activity. For 19. example 20. help for my 21. mother's 22. washing up 23. dishies. I 24. help 25. there. Third, I 26. say to "I love you" 27. for my 28. girl friend. 29. so I 30. dead and go to 31. hell. so I 32. watch 33. to her every day and 34. safe to her life. I 35. am so sorry 36. to her.
However, I 37. don't die 38. to 39. sinking a boat

[첨삭내용]

Spelling/철자 28. girl friend : girlfriend
Grammar_Articles(the, a or an)/관사 23. dishies : the dishes
Grammar_Prepositions(on, at, from, by, to.....)/전치사 2. to : for 9. for : in 27. for : to 33. to : over 36. to : for 38. to : in
Grammar_Conjunction(and, but)/접속사 11. and My : My
Grammar_Capitalization/대소문자 5. if : If 6. i : I
Grammar_Conjugation/동사변화활용 4. swimming : swim 14. will : would 24. help : would help 26. say to : would say, 30. dead : die 32. watch : will watch 35. am : would be 37. don't : will not
Grammar_Punctuation/부호사용 13. Second,I : Second, I 16. testament. : testament, 19. example : example,
Essay Format_Sentence Structure/문장의 구성 1. shout : I would shout 3. life for survivors. because, : strength because 7. into : fell into 8. so i : I would be 15. to the : my 17. write of : about 20. help for : I would help 22. washing up : wash 31. hell. so : hell, 34. safe to her life : keep her safe 39. sinking a boat : a sinking boat.
Essay Format_inappropriate Words/단어사용 적절성 10. second : seconds 12. import!!ance, : important 18. activity : activities 21. mother's : mother 25. there : her 29. so : When

[강사 Comments]

If your boat was already sinking, I do not think you would still have the time to write. Maybe, I would just look for something I could hold on to, so I would not drown. Thank you for sharing your ideas. However, I suggest you learn more about sentence construction and how to write an essay. An essay has an introduction, a body, and a conclusion. The paragraphs should have at least five sentences each, and put a space between the paragraphs. If you are not sure which word to use, or about the spelling of a word, use a thesaurus, a dictionary, and the web, or ask your teacher. Instead of beginning your sentences with conjunctions, use words or phrases like "however", "in addition", and "that is why". Review the use of articles and prepositions. Remember to always capitalize the word "I" and the first word of all sentences. Put a space after commas. Sentences should be ended with a period. Enjoy your boat rides!

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